How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Again

It's not uncommon that a wife will ask me, "How do I make my husband attracted to me?"

"What do I do to make my husband want me again?"

"How do I become more desirable to my husband?"

And now, after helping nearly 1,000 couples repair their marriages I've learned there are 9 ways to bring that spark back.

Use this list as a way to help you bring that spark back, create more spark, and remember – when things feel off the best step is to talk about what you're feeling.

In this list, you'll also notice there's a mix of things you can do alone and things you and your partner can do to bring the attraction back. Mix it up and try to hit a bit of each.

Feeling attractive can be boosted up when you can give yourself what you need. By taking some time to focus on you, you'll find that when you feel sexier, healthier, and more pleasure it'll make your partner respond in kind.

Since most of us are attracted to people who have healthy energy, enthusiasm, and who exude fun – some of the advice here is about helping you re-engage those feelings for you and you only.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 1:

Share Him How You Feel (Without Blame)

The common phrase of happy couples is:

"Communicate. Communicate. And communicate."

If you're feeling your husband isn't showing you signs that he's attracted to you – let him know.

Here is an interview my wife and I did with Kathlyn Hendricks, author of Conscious Loving, on expressing yourself

Unlike dating where you may have succeeded by playing games, hiding things, or playing cat-and-mouse – marriage is about intimacy and letting your partner in. Let your husband in and tell him how you've been feeling and make sure to throw a clear and concise request. By sharing your feelings and asking for what you want, you can give him a chance to meet your needs.

Quite often just sharing what you're feeling will help you reconnect.

Give him a shot to know what's happening.

Communicate that you haven't felt his attraction towards you. You can phrase it as 'not his fault' but rather that you haven't been feeling attractive or wanted. By making sure you don't blame, you'll give space for him to share too. Maybe he's been wrapped up with work, worried about his parents, worried about the kids, anxious about finances…Sharing your feelings without blame will help him receive and hear you.

Here's a good way to let him know how you've been feeling:

I don't feel like you're attracted to me.
Maybe it's not on purpose. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind these days.
I haven't felt like you're really into me. I'm not blaming you. I just want you to know how I feel.
Could you tell me how you find me sexy more often? Maybe grab me and kiss me. Surprise me with flowers, or do those little things that you used to do to show me you were really turned on by me? It would mean a lot to me.

As you'll notice this way of phrasing things lets him know how you're feeling without blame. It also makes a request – maybe take me out, kiss me more, or do those things that you know make me feel sexy.

If you're not sure the best ways your husband can make you feel his desire, here are some ideas from my female clients.

Some ideas and ways that he can make you feel sexy can be:

Hug you more often (like when he comes home from work and leaves for the day)
Kiss you more. Maybe he can give you a long kiss when he gets home from work.
Schedule a date night to show you that he's interested in having fun together.
Hold you and tell you that he loves you.
Send you sweet texts throughout the workday.
Ask you how you're doing.
Hold your hand when you go on walks.

These are just some ideas to help you consider what makes you feel desired by your husband. Just one idea can be enough to help your man orient himself and focus on making you feel his love and desire.

Although it's likely not what you wanted, this first step is really the best first step. In marriage sharing what is going on in your head and heart is the key to intimacy and connection.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 2:

Bring Sexy Back

Monotony, routine, and comfort can kill desire like nothing else.

Wake up. Eat. Go to work. Get the kids. Cook dinner. Have some downtime, go to bed.

…And then do it all again.

Routine and monotony kill sexual sparks faster than a stinky fart.

Bringing the fire back in your marriage requires shaking things up a bit.

If you don't feel your husband doesn't want you, it's likely it didn't happen overnight.

Like a slow drizzle, that feeling of not being wanted descended slowly until one day you realized the sex wasn't as frequent and the desire evaporated.

Bringing that spark back means you gotta shake things up.

Feeling sexy isn't just about what your husband does or doesn't do – it's also about you.

Bring sexy back by doing something to bring sexy back for yourself.

When you feel sexy for yourself, you increase that feeling where it matters most.

To get yourself feeling sexy, here are some ideas:

Get a new haircut.
Hit the gym.
Buy a new fragrance.
Get a facial.
Get a massage.
Put on one your favorite dresses (or get a new dress)
Play fun music and dance your heart out.

Do something to bring that feeling of aliveness and sexiness back for you.

Being sexy is a two-way street. If you feel it, others respond to it.

Give yourself the gift of whatever you need to bring that feeling of the sexy back so you feel it for yourself.

Note for Moms: This little action is especially important for those busy moms who have been in sweat pants and comfy house-ware.

Access The Guide – Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: The Complete Guide To Reclaim Your Sexually Vibrancy And Be Wildly Adored By Your Spouse Again

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 3:

Get Interested In Yourself

Someone once told me:

Attractive people are those with deep passions and big interests.

People who draw us in are those who are passionate about their own lives.

Similarly, boring people are those who have very little to share and aren't deeply passionate about something.

If your marriage feels like it's gotten stale, it could be because somewhere along the way you lost sight of your own creative passions.

Many marriages get stagnant for one of two reasons:

There's not enough time together or not enough time apart.

Striking that balance is very hard for most couples.

In most cases, a bit of time together and bit of time apart helps remedy the lack of attraction.

In the time together couples can do certain things (more on that later), and in the time apart, you can do certain things so you're more attractive.

Being interested in yourself gets your husband interested.

Being more interested in yourself, your hobbies, your creative expression, and hobbies is one way you can ramp up the attraction-factor in your marriage.

In many marriages, I've seen that husbands lose their turn-on for their wives because wives lose themselves in the relationship, or they just set aside those interests that made them so alluring and attractive.

Just think about this way:

When you first met your husband, it's likely that his hobbies and interests made him sexy. Maybe he had big aspirations and told you about them. Maybe he was writing a novel, starting a business, working hard to get a promotion, or doing something else that made him attractive.

Whatever your husband was like when you first met, you'll notice that his passion and aspirations made him sexy.

Similarly, your passions, interests, and goals make you sexy too.

When wives have their interests, hobbies, and things they're fascinated by – they increase their sense of joy, belonging, independence, and happiness – which in turn increases their husband's sense of attraction for their wives.

It's natural that with commitment, kids, and marriage – you may have lost sight of the things that make you enthusiastic about yourself. If you're asking how to become sexier to your husband – this is one key to unlock that desire.

Get interested in your passions, hobbies, and interests again.

All of us are drawn to people who are turned on by their passion and goals – that's why actors, artists, poets, and singers are so attractive. Their spark is in their passion. The same goes for you – the more you're into you, the more you will get that 'into you' response from the world too.

To help you get into yourself a bit more, try out these questions (try journaling your answers):

Are there interests and hobbies you've left behind?
What's your bucket list?
Is there a class or event you've been wanting to check out?
Have you looked at Groupon Events or other event lists to see if there's something new to check out?

Go explore your interests. Try going alone, with a friend, or show up and make a friend there.

Your marital happiness depends on how much you are expressing your joy in the world – not just in marriage but in other areas too.

A little personal example:

Even in my own relationship, I've noticed that the attraction can wax and wane based on what I am doing for myself and my creative expression.

For example, I observed that I am more attractive to my wife when I am expressing my highest potential. It excites her to see me creating and engaged in my passions. Somehow my passion in my own life seeps into our marriage. She's noticed that when I am really alive for myself – it also feeds our marriage. And on the flip side, when I feel dead inside, the marriage tends to wilt in passion and excitement. For this reason, we've both learned, we must feed that which makes us feel alive, our marital joy depends on it.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 4:

Raise The Endorphins And Happiness Hormones

Did you know that a few hours at the gym is akin to a few hours with a therapist?

Did you also know that working out increases the happiness hormones?

That's right!

Working out is an incredible way to boost up your self-esteem, happiness, and increase that sense of feeling sexy.

While he may not notice the shift right away – you will.

While you may initially hit the gym to get him more attracted to you, you'll find that you feel more attracted to you. And as you know, when you feel better, everything else follows.

To get the benefits you don't have to go crazy.

A simple workout like walking for 30 minutes, or hitting the gym for light cardio and/or weights can do wonders.

When you increase those happiness hormones, endorphins, and feel more at home in your beautiful sexy body – the more you'll exude that sexiness that makes you irresistible.

Passion creates attraction

Just like research has shown that there are neurons in our brain that make us mirror the emotions that we see in others, our excitement and passion creates a stimulus to make others attracted to us.

Working out is one really quick way to boost the production of the happiness hormones that make us feel and exude sexiness – which in turn will activate and stimulate those neurons in your husband too.

A side note: Men are physical creatures. When you start working out, he'll likely notice your body changing, and he'll also feel a difference in your energy. All this can work to stir desire and physical passion. For proof from a reader, you can see a comment a man-made in my article, "Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me" – your attention to your body makes men respond.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 5:

Get In Touch With Your Pleasure

It is said, "women respond and men lead."

I disagree.

Even in very traditional marriages where a man runs the household, men still respond to their wives. A man, no matter how masculine he is, is still a responsive being who will feel and react to the world around him.

When a woman is in touch with her pleasure it helps her husband to respond.

When a woman knows her pleasure and exudes pleasure, it helps bring that same feeling out of the man.

And when I was working with a couple who wanted to bring that spark of sexuality back into their marriage it came out that their sex life was nearly dead. As I inquired the husband said to me:

"She just lays there like a corpse.

She doesn't seem to enjoy it so I've stopped showing her my desire."

To which his wife replied that he didn't seem to try to make her feel sexy or wanted. Then they spun into a typical argument where it was his fault, her fault, and no neither could admit they both played a role.

Of course, with my help, they were able to open their eyes. The cycle of lack of intimacy came from how the husband treated his wife as well as how she responded to him and his desire.

In that same conversation, the wife shared that she often felt dead inside. She wasn't experiencing pleasure, delving into her emotions, and she felt closed off to pleasure.

The extra effort pays off.

Breaking this pattern wasn't fixed by one suggestion, but rather a combination of various things. Yet, there was one key thing that pertains to this article that helps couples who have sexless marriages.

For the wife, that one thing was helping her get in touch with her pleasure. Helping her open to her emotions so that the current of pleasure could wake up and be alive in her body again.

If you've ever experienced a good cry, a laugh that invigorates, or a talk that helped you 'get it all out' – you know what I mean. Getting in touch with your feelings, aliveness, and pleasure is part of the road back to getting your husband to feel that passion with you.

Some ways to help you wake up to your pleasure is to try:

Journal about your feelings (jot down the good, the bad, the ugly, the painful, and joy)
When you feel pain, or find yourself holding back tears – get curious.
Give each of your emotions space to breathe. Set a timer and notice the feelings that arise. Let them be.
Create a playlist that makes you feel deeply and dance to it. Move to those songs that make you feel and let yourself move and shake those emotions (dance therapy is a real thing).
Call a counselor and start talking to an objective party about what's happening in your life. (Talk-therapy will help loosen up and shake up those stuck emotions).
Get a sex-toy and try out self-masturbation (if that isn't of value or interest to you, you don't have to do this).
Take a hot bath, put on soft music, and do some light meditation or just breathing to help you relax.

The ideas and ways you can find pleasure are endless. As one of my peers wrote in her book, "The Multi-Orgasmic Diet" – a woman's ability to feel pleasure is about her connection with herself. It's not just about sex, but rather, it's about a woman being in touch with her curiosity, aliveness, and pleasure.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 6:

Turn On The Positives!

Want to enliven a marriage?

Want to increase attraction and joy?

Easy.

Take more time to tell your partner how you appreciate him.

I am sure you've noticed that when your partner gives you compliments, appreciates you, and offers you positive attention, it makes you feel good. That's no accident. Scientific research has shown – verbal compliments increase shared happiness. Praise makes us feel better. And it feels amazing to be celebrated.

To help increase the desire in your marriage, turn on the positives.

Taking your partner for granted eats away at a happy marriage like a tumor to a healthy body. Luckily, the cure for this common ailment of failing marriages is quite simple.

Start giving more verbal attention to what is going well in your marriage.

Even great, good, or terrible marriages benefit tremendously by increasing verbal praise.

If you're not sure what to compliment, thank, or praise your partner for – here are some ideas:

Did he do the dishes? *Tell him that you appreciate it.
Did he make your coffee? *Let him know you love that he thought of you.
Did he pay the bills? *Share how you appreciate how he handles finances.
Did he cook dinner? *Verbally let him know that you enjoyed the meal.
Did he fix something? *Express in words what it meant to you.
Has he said something nice to you (or your kids)? *Take notice and tell him.
Has he grown in some way over the past month or years that you really wanted?
Has he done something for you that you appreciate?

Whatever you notice that is good, helpful, or special – tell him. Praise does wonders to turn up the turn-on in marriages. As you do this, you'll likely notice that it increases all those 'feel good' feelings that are vital to sexual desire, intimacy, and healthy marriages.

By giving more appreciation, it's likely you'll start to see that your husband becomes more verbally appreciative of you too. All this can work wonders to help bring back that spark.

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 7:

Encourage His Dreams

A downtrodden man is a low-turn on man.

Not everyone knows this, but husbands thrive best when they feel their wives are proud of them.

There's not much more that makes a man feel great like knowing his wife supports him and is proud of him.

How to keep your husband attracted to you

By increasing the verbal appreciation you'll increase his happiness. And by supporting his dreams, you'll also help feed his self-esteem.

Who doesn't like to feel loved, valued, and supported?

All of us thrive and feel better when we feel there's someone who knows what we're worth (and tells us).

In the now-iconic relationship book titled, "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman, he shares that some people need verbal praise more than others. For some people, it's their primary way of feeling loved. For some, it's more or less important, but in all relationships verbal acknowledgment is essential.

Sometimes husbands don't show their passion and desire because they feel a lack of being supported, heard, and appreciated. If you add more encouragement and praise you may find it helps bring your partner closer and that in turn heats things up.

Related Article: Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me

How To Make My Husband Attracted To Me Step 8:

Schedule A Fun Date Night Together

Just about every couple can benefit by scheduling time together.

A date night is a wonderful way to show your partner you care. It's also a good opportunity to get dressed up, go out, have fun, and be together.

A date night is a way for you to bring together this whole list. You can share your new interests, talk about new insights, bring out that new sexy you worked hard to get, and it's a way to appreciate your husband.

Try taking initiative and invite him out on a date night that you plan.

Quite often wives forget that it's ok for them to take the lead. But even in gender-norm relationships, research shows that passion can be sparked when wives take the lead. Men appreciate it when their wives plan outings, take charge in the bedroom and show their man a good time.

Show your partner you want him by planning a fun outing.

If you need some ideas on date night outings, here's a list of fun and simple dates I've made.

Then during that outing, you can try out the couple's game that thousands of couples have test driven (and it's backed by science). You can go here to this page on my website, print out the game, and use it during your date night.